Dear Lawn

Dear Lawn,

You have been through much and yet I've managed to keep you alive by some miracle. And this year I fertilized you early so you would grown nice and green and reward me by looking pretty. Do you know what you did to return the favor? I looked at you this morning and discovered that you are covered in dandelions.

You traitor! How could you go and do this to me? And all in a matter of like 3 days. I tried to make sure you looked good last weekend and now you repay me by filling with weeds. Shame on you. I mow you, I call you names when I weedeat you, I even planted the sod that made you grow.

I feel betrayed by you. It's like losing a date to an ex-roommate who would hone in on every guy that was remotely interested in me. Trust me, it doesn't really bode well for the friendship when your friend/roomie thinks its ok to hit on any guy who wants to date you. It makes for annoying and irritable relationships.

Or maybe it's like me giving the vegan lady at church goldfish crackers and her realizing that I just ruined her vegan diet. She ate them, so it wasn't really my fault. But I am sure glad i'm not vegan. I love me some good steaks, and roasts, and bacon, and sausage, and smokies, and kabobs, and chicken, and while we're on meat, an nicely build eye candy man is fun to check out on occasion if he's running down the road or something like that.

Anyways, back to you lawn. Get a life! Grow and beat out those dandelions. I fertilized you for a reason.

Your owner,

Les