Dear Fresh Salsa,
Do you realize what you did to me? Not only did I reek of garlic and onion for hours, but you apparently didn't think that was enough. You decided to beat me up on the inside too. Thank you for keeping me awake from about 2am to 5am last night.
Thanks to you, I think I've cured myself of any and all desire to eat you. In fact, at the moment, the thought of eating you is right up there with celery and chicken soup. Ugh...just the smell of them makes me gag. Oh, and just the thought of you at the moment also makes me want to gag. I want any and all signs of you out of my house and my mind. You tormented me enough in the night.
And people probably about dropped dead if they got near me from the onion smell. You probably chased away all my friends and then you left me curled up in a ball in the middle of the night wishing I hadn't ever eaten you. On the bright side of things, I have cured myself of any and all desire to eat you, so I should be able to dump on a gallon of perfume and at some point my friends will return and I won't smell like an onion.
I hope you enjoy your journey to the landfill. You aren't coming back.