Monday, May 23, 2011

Dear Sinners

Dear Sinners,

In case you didn't hear, there was a "rapture" that was supposed to take place last Saturday. If you're reading this, you didn't get taken up to heaven. Thus, you are all sitting pretty with me and we're all going to hell in a bobsled.

Why a bobsled? Have you ever ridden in one? It takes you up to something like 3 or 5 G's in mere seconds. If you get motion sick like me, you'll be puking all over the driver guy by the end. Or you'll somehow manage to hold it in. Then you can lay on the ground wishing for sudden death for the next few hours as the world spins in circles around you.

Now, since this rapture thing didn't take me, or you, look on the bright side:

1. If fire and brimstone are really going to rain down on us, maybe we'll get some cool photos we can post on our blogs or on facebook. I mean how many people have ever taken photos of fire and brimstone?

2. If the power goes out, the fire and brimstone will probably keep a nice light going on so we won't need flashlights

3. Those jehovah's witnesses that keep leaving crap on my door might get their church burned up and realize that their lives filled with no fun and lack of celebration did them no good cuz their in the same boat as us funner ones

4. Can I just say BBQ? Mmm, think of all the steak and ribs slow roasing on a hot pile o brimstone for the eating.

5. Smores. Can there be a fire without smores? The marshmallows are so fun to burn.

6. If you're in the bobsled and the world is spinning, some things might look better than the did previously.

Love you all sinner people, glad you could join me,


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